Grasshopper Pie

This pie is made from 100% real grasshoppers. Optionally, replace "real" with "no". My last attempt at a dessert dish met with failure - the likes of which haven't been seen since the latest Bear Stearns board meeting. OK, I'll quit with the terrible jokes. I was fairly sure (and am not convinced otherwise yet) that my bottom oven burner wasn't working. But, as far as this pie is concerned, that wasn't an issue. Ian, my culinarily-inclined friend, shared this recipe with me and it looked so good I couldn't resist ruining it myself.

A grasshopper pie isn't a pie in the traditional sense: it uses crushed Oreos as the primary filler and then a melty, sweet concoction on top. Take 20 Oreos, halve them, and "get rid of" the creme filling. Then crush the Oreos into a particulate homogeneity. Pro tip courtesy of Kaitlyn and Drew: put the Oreos in a closed Ziploc bag and crush them there. Brilliant! Mix these crumbs with some melted butter and pat this down into a regular pie crust. I chose a graham cracker one, but any (even Oreo!) will do. Bake this until it's baked.

That was the tedious part; here's the fun part! Pour a little milk into a sauce pan and melt two dozen marshmallows. The recipe called to mix in creme de menthe and creme de cacao, but I don't speak Chef (and I couldn't find exactly what this referred to), so I substituted with mint chocolate Baileys. [If you're ever unsure what to do, liquor is usually the correct solution (no pun intended). -Ward] "Fold" in some whipped cream (what the hell does this mean?) and then pour the whole mess into the baked Oreo crumb pie.

Freeze this for a few hours and then serve cold! Neat!
Grasshopper Pie

Provençal Vegetable Stew

Yes, I had to look it up too, but then it's fairly obvious. Provençal implies that it's a dish from Provence, France, meaning Mediterranean. As to how Mediterranean eggplant is, well, I'll leave that up to you to decide. I made this vegetable stew (though it ended up more chili-like) to bring to Allison and Jeremy's for Easter. I tried to pick something simple, since I'd be cooking with the constraint of having to transport it and arrive in time for the meal proper. And it is a fairly straight-forward meal (or side-dish).

What you're seeing is basically all the work. This meal serves "four", and, this time, I decided not to cut the quantities in half. Chop up four garlic cloves, a yellow onion, two celery ribs, a green (or red) bell pepper, and cube an eggplant. I couldn't find button mushrooms, but since I don't know the difference, shiitake worked instead. Sauté the garlic, mushrooms, onions, celery, and peppers together in olive oil (there's something Mediterranean, though, of course, this is a Rachael Ray recipe) for a few minutes. Then add the eggplant and seasoning (rosemary and thyme) and cook until the eggplant is soft.

That is, well, all there is too it. Rachael recommended serving with some crusty French bread, so I bought a baguette at Price Chopper and cut it up to serve along with. I don't have much else to say about this dish. It's good if you like all the ingredients! I guess I'll just post the pictures of the bread since I need to fill out some space. How was your Easter? Good? I'm glad to hear it. Did you eat some ham with your family? Yeah? Some mashed potatoes? Some, uh, rolls? And, uh, greens and stuff? That's cool. So, um, I like your shoes. Are those new? No? Well, they're cool. Oh, you gotta go? Me too, I guess. See ya around.

Bread Pizza with Meat and Mushrooms

This recipe sounded too yummy not to try. I hope you like mushrooms! To describe it simply, hollow out some bread, layer mushrooms under well-seasoned ground beef, cover with a generous layer of cheese, and broil until melted together. The bread I chose was just a large, Italian loaf freshly baked. I sliced up two large portobello mushroom caps and then sautéed them.

OK, before I get to preparing the meat(s), I'm going to share an embarrassing story. I had wanted to do my grocery shopping Saturday, so I'd have plenty of free time Sunday morning to sleep in/play Smash Brothers. So I pull up at my local Price Chopper, grab a cart, start shopping through the produce section, and then realize I don't have my wallet. Now, I don't know how best to get rid of the items I've accumulated so far, so I unobtrusively start putting back the packaged ones. "Hmm, maybe I don't want this kind of bread. And maybe I... don't need... carrots." For the onion and mushroom caps? "Well, I can kind of just leave my cart here. Maybe I'm wandering to look at... oranges... Run for it!"

So grill up a few strips of bacon (or pancetta, which my Price Chopper still doesn't have) and then add a pound or so of ground beef (it's for two servings... I'm not that much of a glutton). Chop up a yellow onion and a carrot and add them once the beef has started to brown. Add crushed tomatoes, beef broth, Worcestershire, salt, pepper, and allspice (which I didn't have because the grocery was sold out). Allspice sounds like deodorant. Anyway, cook these for a little bit longer.

Er, it looks like I forgot to take a picture with the cheese and beef before broiling. Oh well. In the hollowed-out bread, add a layer of mushrooms and then the grilled beef (proportion to your preference). Cover with mozzarella and Parmigiano-Reggiano or whatever you can get close. Broil this (not on the top rack, natch) for a few minutes (not too long, see pictures) and then eat with a fork, knife, and/or fingers. Big thanks to Marcella for her help in preparing. Some things I'd do differently next time include: hollow out the bread further so it ends up crispier and more pizza-like, remember all the seasonings for the meat, and fix the bottom element of my oven (ooops).